What was up with A.J. Burnett's eye last night?

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First, the important stuff. The Yankees climbed back into first place in the American League East with a 4-3 win over the Orioles last night.
Alex Rodriguez played the hero, slamming two home runs, including a
go-ahead three-run shot off O’s closer Koji Uehara with two outs in the top of the
ninth inning.

Last night’s starter A.J. Burnett gave up three
runs — including a pair of solo homers — over seven innings as part of
a no-decision. It was one of his better starts in a while, but all
everybody could talk about after the game was the noticeable shiner he
was sporting. All he would say about it, according to Peter Botte of the
New York Daily News, is that it was not baseball-related.

“I’m
not going to comment on it, but I understand you guys have to ask. There are more
important things going on right now with this team than my eye. It was a
huge win for us.

“Let’s talk about baseball. I understand you have to ask, but I’m not going to comment on it.”

Just in case the image to the right doesn’t suffice, check out this screenshot,
courtesy of Mike Axisa of the excellent River Ave. Blues. How’d it
happen? Well, my guess is that he tripped over his tremendous piles of money.
Dude’s a klutz. A rich klutz, though.
 

Someone stole the bat from the Ken Griffey, Jr. statue at Safeco Field

Stephen Brashear/Getty Images
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The Mariners unveiled a statue of Hall of Fame outfielder Ken Griffey, Jr. earlier this year at Safeco Field, featuring the slugger in his famous follow-through seen after each of his 630 career home runs. Chris Daniels of KING 5 News in Seattle reported on Tuesday evening that someone had stolen the bat from the statue.

Thankfully, the Seattle Police Department announced that the bat has been recovered and a suspect has been arrested. They expect to provide more details later. Daniels reports the Mariners have confirmed the news.

My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.