Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. I’m only 36 years-old, so if you do the math you’ll realize that I didn’t exactly have a long dating career before gettin’ hitched. As such, I’ve never had to experience that dynamic in which I dumped a girl, went on with my life and, a year later, saw her walk by, looking hotter than ever, making me wonder what the hell I was thinking.
But after the past few days I bet it feels a lot like being an Angels fan.
Vladimir Guerrero (i.e. the girlfriend) went 4 for 4 with two homers and four RBI last night. In four games against the Angels this year he’s gone 10 for 16 with four
homers. Forget just bein’ hot: in this case the ex-girlfriend is hot and came into some money too.
The Rangers are now ahead of the Angels by four and a half games in the West. Which, to beat the final bit of life out of my metaphor, is the equivalent of not just seeing your hot, rich ex-girlfriend walk by, but seeing her arm-in-arm with the guy who took your job after you got laid off.
A lot of people think they have a double walking around someplace on Earth. They may actually be right. We have an example of this in baseball and politics.
Cubs owner Tom Ricketts looks a lot like Texas senator Ted Cruz. Or, since Ricketts is older, I guess Cruz looks like Ricketts. Either way, they could play brothers if someone put on, like, the worst ever production of some play about brothers.
If you’re not familiar with one or both of those guys, take a gander at the photo that was taken of the two of them in Washington this morning as the Cubs made the rounds with their World Series trophy:
Referring to Willson Contreras, of course, who has allowed 31 stolen bases to opponents while behind the dish. Coincidentally, Montero has allowed 31 stolen bases when he has played as well. Contreras has played in 24 more games than Montero, by the way.
I predict that, by around 3pm when the clubhouses open, we’ll see a public apology by Montero.