- Cliff Lee may be on the move as early as this week.
- The Madison Bumgarner era began on Saturday. He lost.
- Things like the A-Rod and Torre drama is the reason why, instead of watching the Yankees-Dodgers game last night, I watched “L.A. Confidential” for the 45th time instead. Have you a valediction, boyo?
- Dustin Pedroia is out for six weeks, so the only laser shows we’ll be getting will be at the Pink Floyd thing down at the planetarium.
- Prince Harry threw out the first pitch at the Mets-Twins game. Harmless publicity thing, or the first step to the Empire striking back? Those Brits have been biding their time. To arms, patriots. To arms.
- Brandon Phillips was arrested for reckless driving. I’m not one to rake muck or anything, but in Ohio reckless driving that involves speed alone — as Phillips’ apparently did — is quite often a ticketing offense, not an arresting offense. Usually the cops only take you in for it if they suspect booze or if you caused an accident or if there is some other reason to suspect that you pose a danger to anyone. None of that appears to be the case with Phillips. Things that make you go hmmm.
- Jason Heyward has a sore thumb, which probably explains the express train to blah he’s been on the past few weeks. You got the gig, kid, don’t be a hero. Take some time off.
- Edwin Jackson will get some extra rest after his 150-pitch no-hitter. It’d be a shame for him to come back tired and, you know, have poor command and walk a bunch of guys or something.
- Carlos Zambrano is ticketed for the bullpen when he comes back. I would have gone with “Hannibal Lecter mask, straight jacket and backboard ensemble” but bullpen works too. Oh, and Zambrano is apparently MIA too. Maybe he’s having an old friend for dinner.
- The Sox traded minor leaguer Fabian Willamson for utilityman Eric Patterson. Remember that episode of Laverne and Shirley where they were all excited to meet Fabian? Nah, me neither.
- The Mariners add a big bat for the playoff push. Why a team needs a big bat to watch other teams make playoff pushes on TV is a bit of a mystery, but they got him anyway.
- The O’s designate the worst first baseman in baseball for assignment.
- Upton and Longoria get into it in the Rays dugout. I guess that’s better than getting into it in someone else’s dugout.
- The ump in the Tigers-Braves game admitted he blew the strike call that ended Friday’s game. Second sighting of the “I kicked that call” construction this year. I had never heard that before Joyce said it, and here it is again. Since then I’ve been using it around the house (i.e. “I kicked the s— out of that omelet this morning,” etc.) I bet I’m not alone.
- Bobby Valentine and the Marlins are on the outs. There’s probably in interesting story involving some absolutely impossible-to-deal-with people behind all of this.
Buster Olney ends each of his daily columns by saying “and today will be better than yesterday.” I admire his optimism, but I’m gonna level with you: each of you reading these words are one day closer to your death today than than you were yesterday. All your loved ones and pets and stuff too. Sorry to be a downer like that, but if I can be honest with you on that score, you know I ain’t bull s——- you on the baseball stuff. In other news, Buster Olney gets invited to a lot more parties than I do.
Now let’s go out there and avoid kicking the s— out of this week!