Some trenchant David Ortiz analysis

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I would read more newspapers if the stories were written in this style

Observers were forced to admit, however, that, okay, so far in May
Ortiz has put up an OPS of .999 and has seven RBIs. But for a $24.5
million platoon DH? Are you freaking kidding them?

I mean, baseball insiders said, come on, people: The 2009 American
League MVP, Twins catcher Joe Mauer, is earning half a million less than
Ortiz, for Christ’s sake.

In addition, and not that it really has anything to do with anything,
but damn, they noted, the WNBA team salary cap is $775,000, so by
himself Ortiz will earn nearly one and a half times what an entire
professional sports league will be paid this year.

And not for nothing, reporters were told, they couldn’t help noticing
that David Ortiz earns $12,964,000 more than Uniontown, PA high school
history teacher Mark Davis, who, according to students and principal
evaluations, is successful and inspiring at his job every single day.

Highly placed baseball officials speaking on condition of anonymity
have got to tell you that, if it were their money, they would have
f—— cut the guy a year ago.

Yeah, I know, but I needed a pick-me-up after that last post.

(Thanks to Joe L., who I will be challenging to a loser-leaves-town match next month at the Greensboro Coliseum, so you better be there, jack!)

Check out Minute Maid Park without Tal’s Hill

Scott Halleran/Getty Images
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During the offseason, the Astros finally got rid of Tal’s Hill in center field. It was a throwback to older stadiums, some of which had uneven topography — Crosley Field, namely. As unique as it was in the age of cookie cutter sports stadiums, most of us were holding our collective breaths hoping no one ruptured an Achilles or suffered another brutal injury trying to navigate the hill while attempting to catch a fly ball.

We saw what it looked like during reconstruction:

And now, via Julia Morales of ROOT Sports, we see what it looks like after all the work has been done:

The Astros are allowing fans with Lexus Field Club tickets to stand on the new warning track to watch batting practice and shag fly balls as well, Morales notes. Lexus Field Club is where Tal’s Hill used to be.

Good riddance, Tal’s Hill.

Jhoulys Chacin will start Opening Day for the Padres

Jayne Kamin-Oncea/Getty Images
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Jhoulys Chacin will start on Opening Day, April 3 against the Dodgers in Los Angeles, Dennis Lin of the San Diego Union-Tribune reports. It will be Chacin’s second Opening Day start, the other coming in 2013 with the Rockies against the Brewers. He’ll be the fifth different Padres pitcher in as many years to start on Opening Day.

Chacin, 29, inked a one-year, $1.75 million contract with the Padres in December. The right-hander spent the 2016 season with the Braves and Angels, compiling an aggregate 4.81 ERA with a 119/55 K/BB ratio in 144 innings.

Lin notes that Chacin will be followed in the rotation by Clayton Richard and Jered Weaver. It will be an interesting rotation, to say the least, as it will arguably be the worst in baseball.