Cubs, White Sox to play for a trophy

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The Mediocrity Cup?

Multiple sources tell the Tribune that during a Monday morning news
conference, the Cubs and White Sox will announce a new tradition — a
trophy (and the public bragging rights) to the club which wins the
annual city series between them. We’re told a tiebreaker is in place
should the teams split the six games 3-3.

This is very Big Ten football, where teams play for things like big axes, wooden turtles,* brown jugs and the like.  The common denominator in all of these trophy rivalries? They’re pretty damn lopsided.

If the Cubs-White Sox rivalry follows the same pattern, one team will be taking home the Bronze Bratwurst, the Copper Crappy Pizza or the Golden Graft or whatever the hell they settle on at least two-thirds of the time.

*The Illibuck loomed much larger for me when I was an Ohio State undergrad because Illinois beat Ohio State three out of the four years I was there. The one year we had it, it sat on the floor in the corner of the Honors House, where I would occasionally study before a class I had across the street. One day I looked at it for a while, thinking how silly the thing was. Then, for about a minute, I thought that it would be a good idea to steal it. It would have been simple. No one else was there and I was sure I could get it back to my apartment without anyone noticing. Then I remembered the talking-to Greg Brady got from Mr. Brady after stealing the Coolidge High goat, thought better of it and went on to class. I think to think that decision represented a point of divergence in some fascinating alternate personal history, but that would be even lamer than stealing the wooden turtle.

Report: Glen Perkins will retire from baseball

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According to MLB.com’s Rhett Bollinger, Twins GM Thad Levine told 1390 Granite City Sports that reliever Glen Perkins will retire.

Perkins, 34, has battled shoulder injuries over the last two years, limiting him to a total of 7 2/3 innings between 2016-17. His decision doesn’t come as much of a surprise given the circumstances. The Twins declined his $6.5 million club option back in October, making him a free agent.

Across parts of 12 seasons, all with the Twins, Perkins compiled a 3.88 ERA with 120 saves and a 504/158 K/BB ratio in 624 1/3 innings. He ranked among baseball’s best closers from 2013-15, racking up 102 of those saves with a 3.08 ERA. The lefty made the American League All-Star team in each of those three seasons.