Great moments in bathroom sex at U.S. Cellular Field

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Rhett and Scarlett.jpgReviewing the box score of Monday’s White Sox-Indians game reveals that only Paul Konerko and Alexis Rios were credited with home runs. According to John Kass of the Tribune they missed one in the men’s room off the third base line upper deck concourse:

“So I kicked the door, just to get a reaction. I just wanted to make
sure nobody was dying in there. That’s when I heard a woman’s voice
yell, ‘HEY, STOP!’ Something was going on and I had interrupted.” Moments
later, the stall door opened, and a tall, thin, blond man exited. The
tall man held his arms up in triumph.

“His arms were straight up,
like in victory,” Nemeth said. “Everybody was hooting and hollering and
giving high-fives.” Then a second person left the stall, someone
Nemeth described as apparently female, “scurrying” out of the restroom
with a shirt or coat over her head.

There are walks of shame, there are pathetic walks of shame and then there are walks of shame out of the men’s room at U.S. Cellular Field in the middle of a Sox-Tribe game. We’re talking about one refined gentleman and one classy lassie here. And I love the “apparently female” line.  Maybe the tall blond guy got more than he bargained for?

Anyway, the man quoted there was the fellow who discovered the highly romantic liaison in question. He was with his young son at the time. I’m a dad with a couple of impressionable kids, so I can relate to his discomfort about it all. Not that I can’t handle it, but because you just know when you have kids that 500 questions are going to follow about “what were that lady and that man doing and why was a lady in the boy’s baffroom and can Batman beat up Spider-Man” and all of that. The only real easy answer is that, no, Spider-Man wouldn’t stand a chance.

All that said, the Kass column in which all of this appears is a bit over-the-top in terms of “think of the children” hand-wringing. He prods the mayor to do something about this for cryin’ out loud. Like he has the time to police the U.S. Cellular Field bathrooms when there’s so much graft to attend to.

Tasteless and moronic behavior happens. We all wish it didn’t, but it does. We’ll all find a way to soldier on. Somehow.

Felix Hernandez will miss 3-4 weeks with shoulder bursitis

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Mariners’ right-hander Felix Hernandez is looking at a 3-4 week recovery period, the team announced on Friday. Hernandez has been officially diagnosed with bursitis in his right shoulder after getting pulled from his last start against the Tigers on Tuesday.

It’s not the first shoulder issue the 31-year-old righty has dealt with during his career. Ryan Divish of the Seattle Times notes that Hernandez was previously diagnosed with bursitis during a minor league stint in 2005, several weeks prior to making his major league start for Seattle. This time around, however, the injury is coupled with a few years of not-so-sharp stuff, waning velocity and career-low numbers, and while it’s certainly not a worst-case diagnosis, it seems like greater cause for concern.

Without Felix, the Mariners will keep rolling with James Paxton, Hisashi Iwakuma, Ariel Miranda, Yovani Gallardo and Chase De Jong in their rotation. They’ll also keep Ben Gamel in right field, with starting right fielder Mitch Haniger expected to miss 3-4 weeks after sustaining a Grade 2 strain in his right oblique on Tuesday.

Rays acquire RHP Drew Smith from Tigers

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The Rays acquired minor league reliever Drew Smith from the Tigers on Friday, per a team announcement. The move will close the loop on the trade the two teams began in January for backup outfielder Mikie Mahtook.

Smith, 23, pitched his first full season in Single-A West Michigan in 2016, turning in a 2.96 ERA, 4.3 BB/9 and 11.5 SO/9 in 48 2/3 innings. The right-hander is still several levels away from making any impact on the Rays’ major league roster, but appears to be progressing steadily in two seasons of pro ball and has delivered two runs, four walks and 12 strikeouts in his first 11 2/3 innings at High-A Lakeland this season. Marc Topkin of the Tampa Bay Times reports that he’ll be reassigned to the Rays’ High-A Charlotte this week.