Your Monday Afternoon Power Rankings

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Here’s something new. And something that, once we get a couple of weeks under our belt, will hopefully be fun.  Power rankings. Yes, lots of places do them. No they don’t mean a thing, especially in baseball. But I’m a college football fan who is kind of addicted to arguing over arbitrary rankings that are borne out of bias and ignorance and all manner of ill-will (and don’t you think I don’t know it, you Big Ten haters!), so I think it will be fun to do these once a week.

Beefing, moaning, defending, gloating and denying should be directed to the comments section:

1. Yankees: To be the man, you gotta beat the man.
2. Cardinals: El Hombre homered as I was writing this. He’s the man.
3. Rays: They have a chance to make me look real dumb this year.
4. Braves: They have a greater chance to make me look dumb.
5. Phillies: One of my bosses is a big Phillies guy. He’s probably not liking this.
6. Red Sox: Another of my bosses is a big Red Sox guy. I know he hates this.
7. Rockies: Seth Smith gets the nod over Fowler for the opener.
8. Angels: I wonder how short a leash they have with Brandon Wood.
9. Twins: First ten games against Angels, Chisox and Bosox. Not easy.
10. Dodgers: I feel like I have them too low, but I don’t know who to bump.
11. Tigers:  First nine against the Royals and Indians. Fast start, one would hope.
12. Rangers: Feliz is the setup man. Why is everyone so afraid to develop starters these days?
13. White Sox: I predict Ozzie Guillen’s tweets cease within a week of Opening Day
14. Marlins: They’ll feel low early, but they’ll die by attrition, not obvious incompetence.
15. Reds: I’m fine with them losing the traditional first game. The Red Stockings were a different franchise.
16. Giants: Lincecum and Cain and three days of rain? Only if it rains hitters.
17. Brewers: A team full of third and fourth starters.
18. Mariners: Seven of their first ten games are against the A’s. They should sign Cust for spite.
19. Cubs: Big hopes placed on Zambrano and Soto comebacks. What if they suck again? Uglyville, that’s what.
20. Orioles: Reporter Scott Templeton assigned to get quotes outside Camden Yards on Opening Day
21. Mets: Their cleanup hitter is a Royals non-tender. And people think I’m pessimistic?
22. Athletics: They should sign Edgar Martinez just for spite.
23. Diamondbacks: First six against Padres and Pirates. Who will be the first reporter to get suckered?
24. Nationals: Obama on Opening Day a mere dress rehearsal for Strasburg’s arrival.
25. Astros: They offer Jeff Keppinger a no-trade clause yet?  That’s their thing, right?
26. Blue Jays: No games against the Yankees until June. How does that happen?
27. Royals: First 12 against Tigers, Red Sox and Twins. 3-9?
28. Padres: Yesterday’s earthquake will be the most action at Petco Park sees all season.
29. Indians: The post-game show is brought to you by…
Christ, I can’t find it. To hell with it.

30. Pirates: Garrett Jones has hit two homers since I started writing this post. There’s hope.

I’m guessing these will change once the games actually start happening.

Report: Brewers sign Yovani Gallardo to a major league deal

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Free agent right-hander Yovani Gallardo is headed back to the Brewers on a major league deal, The Athletic’s Ken Rosenthal reports. No other terms have been reported yet, as the agreement is still pending a physical.

Gallardo, 31, completed a one-year run with the Mariners before getting his $13 million option declined by the team last month. He provided little value during his time in Seattle, pitching to a 5-10 record in 22 starts and putting up a 5.72 ERA, 4.1 BB/9 and 6.5 SO/9 in 130 2/3 innings as both a starter and reliever.

Still, assuming the veteran righty is on the cusp of a comeback, he may as well try for it with his original club. Gallardo last appeared for the Brewers from 2007 to 2014, racking up a cumulative 20.8 fWAR and peaking during the 2010 season, when he earned his first All-Star nomination and Silver Slugger award. This will be his ninth career season with the club.

Even with Gallardo aboard, the Brewers are expected to continue deepening their pitching stores for 2018. With team ace Jimmy Nelson still recovering from shoulder surgery, the club will enter the season with a projected rotation of Gallardo, Zach Davies, Chase Anderson and Junior Guerra, the latter of whom pitched just 70 1/3 innings in 2017 following a right calf strain and shin contusion. Another big name pitcher could help cement Milwaukee’s rotation and keep them competitive for another year, though they don’t appear to have made any concrete moves in that direction so far.