New Year's resolutions for all 30 teams

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I’m kinda mad I didn’t think of this bit myself, but FanHouse’s Matt Snyder does a pretty good job of it, so I’ll get over it:

Once the clock strikes midnight and the calendar turns to a new year,
millions of people decide they are going to change something about
themselves that they could just change on their own any other day of
the year. It’s a good excuse to make it seem like you are improving
yourself. Why should the 30 major league baseball teams be any
different? We can have some fun with this. Here’s my quick resolution
for each of them . . .

I can get on board with most of them. Well, maybe not the one where the Cardinals resolve to get Albert Pujols liquored up and trick him into signing a lifetime extension. I think the Cardinals have had enough trouble with alcohol over the years to where maybe hypnotism or subliminal messages would be better.

And the one in which the Mariners resolve to teach Milton Bradley accountability is a bit of a reach as well. They’re just going to cut the dude if he acts up, so why waste the time?

Finally, the Twins’ resolution to teach Joe Mauer third base should probably be chucked right now. It didn’t work for Johnny Bench, why would it work for Mauer? Sign him to a long term deal. Catch him until his knees give out. Move him to DH. Enjoy a nice sunny day in Cooperstown with him in about 20 years.

But happy new year anyway.

CC Sabathia wants to pitch beyond 2017

BOSTON, MA - SEPTEMBER 18: CC Sabathia #52 of the New York Yankees pitches during the fifth inning against the Boston Red Sox at Fenway Park on September 18, 2016 in Boston, Massachusetts. The Red Sox won 5-4. (Photo by Rich Gagnon/Getty Images)
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CC Sabathia‘s contract with the Yankees expires after the 2017 season but the lefty feels that he has enough left in the tank to pitch in 2018 and beyond, Mark Feinsand of the New York Daily News reports.

Sabathia said, “I just know myself. I know I feel like it’s not my time yet. Barring any crazy injuries I know I can pitch past next year. I feel like this is just the beginning of what I’m trying to do. I feel like there’s a lot more still to learn and a lot better to get. It’s exciting.”

The 36-year-old lefty currently holds a 4.02 ERA and a 144/63 K/BB ratio in 172 1/3 innings. It’s his best and healthiest season since 2012. He battled a knee injury last season and checked into rehab for alcohol addiction last October. Sabathia said that being treated for his addiction put him “in a good spot.”

Sabathia is owed $25 million through a vesting option for the 2017 season.

Red Sox lose on Mark Teixeira’s walkoff grand slam, but still clinch AL East

NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 28:  Dustin Pedroia #15 and pinch runner Marco Hernandez #41 of the Boston Red Sox celebrate after both scored in the eighth inning against the New York Yankees at Yankee Stadium on September 28, 2016 in the Bronx borough of New York City.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
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The Red Sox can thank the Orioles for not having to fight to clinch the division on Thursday or later. The Orioles came from behind to defeat the Blue Jays 3-2 on Wednesday evening, clinching the AL East for the Red Sox.

A few minutes after that game went final, the Red Sox squandered a 3-0 lead taken in the eighth inning, culminating in a walk-off grand slam by Mark Teixeira in the bottom of the ninth inning. Closer Craig Kimbrel started the ninth, but didn’t have control over any of his pitches. He allowed a leadoff single followed by three consecutive walks to force in a run. Joe Kelly relieved Kimbrel and seemed to be close to wriggling out of the jam, getting Starlin Castro to strike out looking and Didi Gregorius to pop up. But after starting Teixeira with a first-pitch curve ball for a strike, Teixera clobbered a 99 MPH fastball, sending it over the fence in right-center to end the game.

For the Yankees, the come-from-behind victory was crucial as it staved off Wild Card elimination for one more day.

This is the first time the Red Sox have clinched the AL East since 2013, also the last year they won the World Series.