Annie and Nuke break up

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It’s Christmas Eve, so there isn’t a lot of real baseball news happening, so forgive me for delving into quasi-quasi-quasi baseball news.  The news: Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, who met on the set of my most favoritist baseball movie of all time, have broken up after 22 years together as a couple. Such a shame. Among the reasons for their breakup:

1. She got wooly and he wouldn’t try a little tenderness;

2. Lollygagging;

3. Robbins had been living a lie; he never liked Walt Whitman;

4. If you’re young and in love and you let fungus grow on your shower shoes, your girlfriend thinks you’re colorful. After you’ve been together for 20 years, she’ll just think you’re a slob;

5. Sarandon got mad at Robbins “respecting the streak,” if you know what I mean;

6. Sarandon’s rejection of most Judeo-Christian ethics and her failure, within the framework of the realtionship, to be monogamous;

7. No real reason, actually: it was just a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction, and timing.

8. A relationship may be like a religion full of magic, cosmic truth, and the
fundamental ontological riddles of our time, but it’s also a job.

9. Robbins never learned that you shouldn’t listen to what a woman says when she’s in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things.

10. While they shared some values, Robbins, unlike Sarandon, believed in the top of a woman’s back, the cut fastball, cheese, cheap bourbon and really enjoyed the novels of Susan Sontag. He believed that the mob and the CIA killed Kennedy. While not a fan of Astroturf and the designated hitter, he’s really a staunch federalist and believed that those are matters best left to the states. He believed in hitting it off the end of the bat, hard-core pornography, opening his presents on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning and he believed
in short, pecky little kisses that were over with quickly and allowed you to get on with your next three days.

Oh well. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes it rains.

Astros stave off AL West elimination, beat the Diamondbacks

Colby Rasmus, Gary Pettis
AP Photo

Facing an elimination number of one, the Astros staved off elimination in the AL West by beating the Diamondbacks on Friday night by a 6-1 margin. The Rangers suffered a heartbreaking loss to the Angels on Saturday afternoon, which temporarily put the Astros’ fate in their own hands.

Colby Rasmus hit a pair of solo homers and Jose Altuve added a solo shot of his own. Starter Collin McHugh tossed seven innings of one-run ball, limiting the Diamondbacks to six hits and a walk with six strikeouts. Reliever Will Harris allowed a solo home run to Paul Goldschmidt in the eighth, but Luke Gregerson closed out the game with a scoreless ninth.

The Astros trail the Rangers by one game in the AL West and lead the Angels by one game for the second AL Wild Card slot. The Rangers can clinch the AL West on Sunday afternoon with a win or an Astros loss. The Astros can clinch the second AL Wild Card on Sunday afternoon with a win or an Angels loss.

The Yankees lost both ends of Saturday’s doubleheader against the Orioles and lead the Astros by only one game for the first AL Wild Card slot.

If the Astros win and the Rangers lose on Sunday, they will play an AL West tiebreaker in Texas. The winner will win the second AL Wild Card if the Yankees win on Sunday, or the first AL Wild Card if the Yankees lose on Sunday.

If the Astros lose and the Angels win on Sunday, the two teams will be tied for the second AL Wild Card. They would play a tiebreaker in Houston, and the winner would play the Yankees in New York in the Wild Card game.

Video: Kelby Tomlinson slides in for an inside-the-park home run

Kelby Tomlinson
AP Photo
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Giants second baseman Kelby Tomlinson looked more like Ladainian Tomlinson the way he was running during Saturday afternoon’s game against the Rockies. In the first inning with one out against starter Chris Rusin, Tomlinson hit a fly ball into the right-center field gap at AT&T Park, a great place to go if you’re in the mood for an inside-the-park home run.

Neither Carlos Gonzalez nor Chris Dickerson could corral the ball before it rolled all the way to the 421-foot marker at the fence. Tomlinson motored around the bases, but Gonzalez made a strong throw into cut-off man D.J. LeMahieu, and LeMahieu made a great throw in to catcher Tom Murphy, but Tomlinson slid in safely just ahead of the tag.

It was an exciting play and the hit proved important as the Giants eked out a 3-2 win against the Rockies.