And That Happened: Tuesday's scores and highlights

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Phillies 1, Giants 0: Philadelphia was cruising before Cole Hamels woke up. Now they’re positively terrifying. Two hitter. Nine Ks. Dear God.

Braves 4 Marlins 3: Tim Hudson is back, pitched well, etc. etc.
OK, with that out of the way, let’s get down to brass tax. This from
reader Matt H.:

The SportSouth broadcast of the Braves-Marlins tonight
showed the jumbotron at Landshark Stadium while Omar Infante was at
bat. In the foreground was the obligatory head shot, with his name and
number. In the background was–I kid you not–a picture of the General
Lee in mid-jump. Yes, that General Lee. I am as big a Braves fan as
there is, and I have no idea why the Marlins put that graphic up. Is
slick and sophisticated Miami poking fun at backwoods Georgia? That
doesn’t make sense, since any linkage of the General Lee with the
Braves is a net win for the Braves.

Seriously. Was that supposed to be a slam? Why don’t you just call the
Braves handsome and give them some free pie while you’re at it, because
there is nothing cooler than being associated with The General Lee.
Maybe the Bandit’s Trans-Am. Maybe.

Tigers 8, Indians 5: Aubrey Huff was 2-2 with 3 RBI. Sadly,
David Huff did not pitch for the Tribe or else I’d be forced to go
Groucho for the second time this year. Cleveland gave up 13 hits and
walked six guys and that lead to the loss. A child of five would
understand this. Quick, send someone to fetch a child of five. Carlos
Carrasco was called up from my hometown of Columbus to pitch in this
disaster. You’re a brave man, Carlos. And remember, while you were out
there risking your life and limb through shot and shell, we were all in
here thinking what a sucker you are. Oh crap, I did it again.

Twins 4, White Sox 3: The White Sox lose. They were probably
discombobulated from having the team’s average age plummet by eight
years since Monday night’s trades. Jeff Manship gave up one run over
five innings. He didn’t figure in the decision, but boy howdy do I like
to say “Manship.”

Cardinals 7, Brewers 6: Joel Pineiro is the only dude in
baseball who can get away with striking out no one. St. Louis is 30-4
since July 1st in starts by Wainwright, Carpenter and Pineiro. I
predict one awesome NLCS, assuming we can dispose of L.A. and whoever wins the wild card quickly enough.

Rangers 5, Blue Jays 2; Rangers 5, Blue Jays 2: Fill my eyes with that double vision. No disguise for that double vision.

Cubs 4, Astros 1: In the fifth, Jeff Baker hit what appeared to
be an inning-ending double play, but Miguel Tejada made an errant throw
to second, allowing Soriano to advance to third. I had no idea that
Baker was from the Dominican Republic.

Red Sox 8, Rays 4: The return of Andy Sonnanstine was less than
fabulous (4 IP, 8 H, 5 R), and I think it’s gettin’ time to bid adieu
to the Rays in 2009. Papelbon pulled a Gossage and pitched a two-inning
save. Then he grew a ridiculous mustache and went on a rant about
pitchers today are wusses.


Reds 11, Pirates 5: Game story: “Pittsburgh is four defeats shy
of becoming the first major American professional team to string
together 17 straight losing seasons.” What happens first: the Pirates
break .500, or Sid Bream dies of old age?

Rockies 8, Mets 3: Lance Broadway pitches two scoreless innings
in relief for the Mets. In other news, “Lance Broadway” was the name I
used on vacations to Las Vegas between the years 1996 and 2002.

Yankees 9, Orioles 6: Two homers for Posada and another shaky performance from Burnett that is likely to fly under the radar.
According to the game story, Posada lost track of the count twice. The
second time he hit a homer after mistakenly thinking he struck out.
You’d think that a catcher of all people wouldn’t lose track of the
count.

Dodgers 4, Diamondbacks 3: Matt Kemp homered for the fourth
straight game. The last Dodger to do that was Hee Seop Choi so, you
know, heady company. A spectacular catch by Andre Ethier in the eighth
inning followed his bases-loaded walk in the seventh which brought in
the winning run.

Royals 4, Athletics 3: The A’s had their chances, but they stranded 11, going 1 for 10 with men in scoring position.

Padres 4, Nationals 1: I’m guessing no one outside of Padre or
National Nation knew this, but apparently the Padres have owned the
Nationals over the years, having gone 30-9 against them since they
ceased to be the Expos.

Mariners 2, Angels 1: A week or so ago Ken Griffey, being
interviewed by a Cincinnati magazine, said that he was going to make it
so that music from “The Nutcracker” played when Adrian Beltre returned
from his injured testicle stint on the DL. I thought that was harsh and
I didn’t think he’d actually do it, but I’ll be damned if he didn’t in
this game. I think something about that should make up the final line
on his Hall of Fame plaque.


Derek Norris signing with the Rays

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Yahoo Sports’ Tim Brown reports that Derek Norris is signing with the Tampa Bay Rays.

Norris was released by the Nationals nine days ago, made redundant by the Nats’ signing of Matt Wieters and by everyone sliding down a notch on the depth chart below him. Norris hit only .186/.255/.328 with 14 home runs and a .528 OPS for the Padres in 2016.

Still, there always seems to be a place for a backup catcher. For Norris that place is Tampa Bay.

The Braves are banning outside food. And they’re probably lying about why they’re doing it.

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Here’s a thing a lot of people don’t realize: there are a lot of ballparks that allow you to bring in outside food.

Not all of them, but a lot do. They don’t publicize it, obviously, because they want you to buy their expensive food, but if you go to the concessions policy page on most team’s websites, you can get the scoop. It often lists “soft-sided coolers” under “permitted items,” which is code for “yes, you can bring your own food in.” Some may specifically limit THAT to sealed plastic water bottles, but for the most part, if you can bring soft-sided coolers into the park, that means it’s OK to bring in grandma’s potato salad and a few sandwiches. They may check your coolers, of course, to make sure you’re not bringing in alcohol or whatever.

The Atlanta Braves have always allowed food into the ballpark. But thats going to change in shiny new Sun Trust Park. The AJC reports that the Braves have announced a new policy via which ticket holders will not be allowed to bring in outside food. Exceptions will be made for infant food and for special dietary restriction items.

Which, OK, it’s their park and their rules. If they want to cut out the PB&J for junior and force you to buy him a $9 “kids pack” — or if they want you to forego grandma’s potato salad to buy that pork chop sandwich we mentioned yesterday — that’s their choice. Everything else about the Braves new stadium has been about extracting money from fans, so why not the concessions policy too?

My beef with this is less about the policy. It’s about their stated reason for it:

The changes are a result of tighter security being put into place this season throughout the league, said the Braves spokesperson.

This, as the French say, is horses**t.

We know it is because not all teams are prohibiting outside food. If there are tighter security measures across the board, other teams are implementing them without the food restriction. Even the Yankees, who take security theater to extreme heights as it is, are still allowing fans to bring in their own food.

The Braves, I strongly suspect, are using these measures as an excuse to cut down on competition for their concessions. Which, like I said, go for it. Just be honest about what you’re doing and stop blaming “tightened security” for your cash grab.