And That Happened: Monday's scores and highlights

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Pirates 8, Brewers 5: Pittsburgh snaps their 17-game skid
against Milwaukee, and the Brewers look pretty damn immature in defeat,
plunking Jeff Karstens in what I guess was retaliation for him hitting
Ryan Braun back in April. This despite the fact that they hit three
Pirates the day after the Braun thing, and had an opportunity to hit
Karstens if they wanted to the same day he hit Braun (why John Russell
so frequently has his relief pitcher hitting is a topic for another
day). Jason Kendall had to be restrained from, it appeared anyway,
going after Pirates’ pitching coach Joe Kerrigan, and then after the
game kept calling him “Dave Kurwin,” even after being corrected. So
apparently Kendall is 6 years-old.

Athletics 14, Twins 13: You don’t win a lot of games when your
starter gives up 11 runs on 10 hits in 2.2 innings, but the A’s did.
Yep, the Twins led this game 12-2 at one point, but after Matt
Holliday’s grand slam in the seventh, followed immediately by a Jack
Cust solo shot, the lead was history. Largest blown lead for the Twins
in 25 years. Largest comeback for the A’s in 84 years.

Dodgers 7, Reds 5: Jason Schmidt threw his first pitches in
anger in over two years, and got the win to boot. Oh, and Manny Ramirez
hit his 537th home run to pass Mickey Mantle into 15th place on the
all-time list, which should inspire about 125 rage-filled,
single-sentence paragraphs from Bill Plaschke or someone like him.
Mantle was pure, you see. At least once you took away the booze and the
speed and the painkillers.

Mets 6, Nationals 2: Jeff Francoeur! Livan Hernandez! Now if
those two just keep on producing like we know they can, well, then, um
. . . crap, this was a fluke, wasn’t it?

Phillies 10, Cubs 1: Now that is seems the Phillies have figured
out how to win at home, there seems to be nothing that can stop them.
Jack Nicholson was at the game, and according to the game story, the
Phanatic wore a Batman suit. That’s kind of cool, but it would have
been way cooler if he had dressed up like Nurse Ratched or the waitress
who wouldn’t hold the chicken. I mean, I love Batman as much as the
next guy, but Nicholson has had better foils.

Braves 11, Giants 3: The Braves hit Jonathan Sanchez and then
continued hitting Segio Romo. Tommy Hanson, on the other hand, was much
harder to hit (7 IP, 5 H, 3 ER, 11K). And as Mac notes, not all of those earned runs were really “earned.”

Astros 3, Cardinals 2: Carlos Lee hits a three-run homer, receives “stingy kisses.”

White Sox 4, Rays 3: Carl Crawford hit an inside the park home
run, but as is the case with so many of those things, it was the
product of a bad defensive play. In this case, a crappy jump by Scott
Podsednik. Sox won, anyhow, and are only a game and a half behind
Detroit.

Rangers 6, Red Sox 3: There are a lot of smart people working
for the Red Sox, so surely someone will soon realize that John Smoltz
only pitches effectively for a few innings and then falls apart. If
only there were some place he could pitch where his outings would be shorter, and maybe more frequent as opposed to longer and more sucky (5.2 IP, 9 H, 6 ER).

Yankees 2, Orioles 1: Eric Hinske has started off with a bang in
New York, hitting four homers in his first five games. Jose Molina
turned in two sweet plays behind the plate late in the game. No need to
congratulate him, though. He’s a Molina and that is what they do.
Walkoff for Matsui, and after the game he was hit in the face with a
cream pie. Those zany, zany Yankees.

Marlins 3, Padres 2: The Padres have lost 15 of 19. I’m assuming that will all turn around once Oscar Salazar gets a chance to play more.

Rockies 10, Diamondbacks 6: With Colorado’s win and the Giants’
loss, the Rockies take a half-game lead in the wild card standings. And
no, I don’t think it’s too early to talk about it. There isn’t a ton
going on right now, so I’m totally cool with getting an early start on
pennant race stuff.

Angels vs. Royals: Postponed: The fitful alternations of the
rain/ When the chill wind, languid as with pain/ Of its own heavy
moisture, here and there/ Drives through the gray and beamless
atmosphere.

Diamondbacks sign Fernando Rodney to a one-year, $2.75 million deal

PITTSBURGH, PA - AUGUST 21:  Fernando Rodney #56 of the Miami Marlins pitches during the game against the Pittsburgh Pirates on August 21, 2016 at PNC Park in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Joe Sargent/Getty Images) *** Local Caption ***
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Confirming a report from Tuesday, the Diamondbacks officially signed right-hander Fernando Rodney to a one-year, $2.75 million contract on Friday. The 39-year-old stands to receive up to $4 million in incentives, per Jack MacGruder of FanRag Sports, with $250,000 kicking in when the veteran reaches 40, 50 and 60 appearances and $500,000 if he reaches 70.

Rodney came three games shy of the 70-appearance mark in 2016 during back-to-back stints with the Padres and Marlins. He put up a cumulative 3.44 ERA on the year, which effectively disguised the extreme split during his performances in San Diego and Miami. The Diamondbacks aren’t anywhere close to contending in 2017, but Rodney should stabilize the back end of their bullpen while providing Arizona GM Mike Hazen with a potential trade chip during next year’s deadline.

Hazen issued a statement following the signing:

With Fernando, we’re getting an established Major League closer and a veteran presence in the bullpen. It is helpful to have someone with his experience on the back end to slow the game down and get the final three outs.

Cardinals, Dexter Fowler agree to a five-year, $82 million deal

CLEVELAND, OH - NOVEMBER 02:  Dexter Fowler #24 of the Chicago Cubs reacts during the seventh inning against the Cleveland Indians in Game Seven of the 2016 World Series at Progressive Field on November 2, 2016 in Cleveland, Ohio.  (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)
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The Cardinals have officially signed outfielder Dexter Fowler to a five-year, $82.5 million contract. Fowler will also get a full no-trade clause.

The Cardinals gave Fowler a bigger deal than many speculated he’d get, as some reports predicted he’d get something in the $52-72 million range. His skills, however — he’s a fantastic leadoff hitter who plays a premium defensive position — definitely earned him some major dough. Fowler hit .276/.393/.447 with 13 homers, 48 RBI and 13 steals over 125 games in 2016 for the World Series champion Cubs.

For the Cardinals, this will allow Matt Carpenter to move down to the middle of the batting order and will shift Randal Grichuk to left field. It also takes a prime piece from the Cardinals’ biggest rival. For their part, earlier this offseason the Cubs signed former Cardinal center fielder Jon Jay. So that’s fun.