Quick hits from Wednesday night

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I didn’t get a chance to post my usual “And That Happened” recaps this
morning, but here are some quick hits regarding last night’s games:

Andruw Jones went crazy against the Angels last night, hitting three homers.
Which is the same number of homers he hit all last year. And which, for
the season, puts him at .250/.348/.581. That sound you hear is me
banging my head against the wall in the realization that he, and not
Jeff Francoeur, could have very easily been manning right field in
Atlanta this year. Rangers are in first, now, kids. They’re for real,
and my pre-season prediction that had them winning the west still looks
prescient. Sure, it was a wild-ass guess, but that’s what we call
prescience before the fact.

Oliver Perez is back, and better than ever! Oh, wait, He walked seven guys. Dodgers: how do you lose a game to Oliver Perez when he walks seven guys?

Chris Volstad and Wandy Rodriguez
each pitched five-hit shutouts. It is such a bizarre coincidence that
anything so mind boggglingly improbable could have happened purely by
chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and
clinching proof of the non-existence of God.

Jose Contreras apparently spent his rehab time earlier this season working with Ponce de Leon.
And in this crazy, mixed-up world, isn’t it refreshing that you can
still count on some things in life? Thing like the Indians sucking?

Prince Fielder legged out an infield single
that drove in the go-ahead run and which caused the U.S. Geological
Survey and several local fire departments to go on high alert. See,
because he’s a big guy and there was a lot of thigh-friction and . . .
ah, well, never mind.

The Tigers finally figured out how to beat Zack Greinke. Leyland:
“When you are going against a guy like Greinke, you know that you are
going to have to get a great game from your starter. If you give up
three or four runs, he’s going to beat you, so I was very happy with
what French did tonight.” Thank goodness for the Tigers that Greinke
still pitches for the Royals, so three or four runs aren’t all that
distinct a possibility.

You always want to win games, but I bet the Reds are just as happy to finally see an effective Homer Bailey (6 IP, 7 H, 2 ER, 6K 0 BB) as they would have been to see a victory.

Josh Johnson retires from baseball

PEORIA, AZ - FEBRUARY 21: Josh Johnson #55 of the San Diego Padres poses during Picture Day on February 21, 2014 at the Peoria Sports Complex in Peoria, Arizona. (Photo by Mike McGinnis/Getty Images)
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Oft-injured pitcher Josh Johnson is retiring from baseball, ESPN’s Jerry Crasnick is reporting.

Johnson, 32, hasn’t pitched in the majors since 2013. The right-hander underwent his third Tommy John surgery in September 2015 but wasn’t able to bounce back.

Johnson spent most of his career with the Marlins, but also pitched for the Blue Jays in the big leagues, as well as the Padres in the minors. He retires with a career 3.40 ERA, 915 strikeouts across 998 innings in the majors, and two All-Star nominations. Johnson led the National League with a 2.30 ERA in 2010, finishing fifth in NL Cy Young Award balloting. One wonders what he could have accomplished if he was able to stay healthy.

Report: Angels close to a multi-year deal with Luis Valbuena

HOUSTON, TX - JULY 08:  Luis Valbuena #18 of the Houston Astros hits a three run walkoff home run in the ninth inning to defeat the Oakland Athletics 10-9 at Minute Maid Park on July 8, 2016 in Houston, Texas.  (Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images)
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The Angels are nearing a multi-year deal with free agent third baseman Luis Valbuena, Jeff Fletcher of the Orange County Register reports. It’s believed to be a two-year contract with a third-year option.

Valbuena, 31, hit .260/.357/.459 with 13 home runs and 40 RBI in 342 plate appearances in 2016. He missed most of the second half with a hamstring injury, for which he underwent surgery in late August.

Valbuena has played a majority of his career at third base, but also has extensive experience at second base and has racked up innings at first base and shortstop as well. He won’t play every day for the Angels, as Yunel Escobar lays claim to third base and C.J. Cron first base, but he will give them flexibility and a left-handed bat off the bench.