Surprising no one, Roger Clemens once again gets killed in court

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Roger Clemens’ record as a litigant continues to be just as bad as his record as a pitcher was good:

A federal judge in Texas reaffirmed his original dismissal of most
of the claims in Roger Clemens’ defamation suit against former trainer
Brian McNamee, the New York Daily News reported Wednesday.

The decision clears the way for McNamee to pursue his own defamation suit against the former seven-time Cy Young Award winner.

In his opinion, U.S. District Court Judge Keith Ellison wrote that
“if (Clemens) believes that the federal investigators or the Mitchell
Commission overstepped the bounds of the law, he is free to bring suit
against those enemies, subject to possible immunity.”

That last bit refers to the main thrust of McNamee’s defense, which was
that he can’t possibly be sued for defamation because his statements
were made while being questioned by law enforcement. The judge agreed
with that. Which is fine in my mind insofar as it relates to stuff he
said to actual federal agents. I’m not so fine that things he said to
George Mitchell should be privileged on those grounds, though, because
last I checked, Mitchell was acting as an apparatchik for Major League
Baseball’s giant P.R. exercise that was the Mitchell Report, not any
legitimate law enforcement function.

But that’s boring legal stuff. The less-boring implication of all of this is that Clemens’ use of the legal system to serve his own P.R. purposes has now imploded in spectacular fashion. Which I and every lawyer with half a brain said it would way back in January 2008. Let’s review the reasons why we thought this:

Reason #1: Defamation cases are hard to win, especially for celebrities, and even when you do win, the damages are small;

Reason # 2: Defamation lawsuits often create bigger audiences
for the false statements than the false statements enjoyed in the first
place, and have the added negative effect of opening up one’s life and
reputation to scrutiny;

Reason # 3: Even if the statements made by the defamer really
are false, the plaintiff — Clemens in this case — stands a good
chance of whiffing on one of the other essential elements of the suit
or some other technicality. When that happens the public only hears
about the loss, and concludes that the defendant was telling the truth
even if he wasn’t.

To review the bidding: Clemens has lost the suit; Clemens’
embarrassing and often shameful personal life came to light as a result
of the suit; and even though Clemens’ loss is on technical grounds as
opposed to some judgment that he was actually lying, from now until the
end of history, people will reasonably assume that he was, in fact, the
liar (not that they didn’t assume that anyway).

So once again, allow me to congratulate Roger Clemens — and his colossally-awful lawyer, Rusty Hardin — for their spectacular work. Well done, gentlemen, well done indeed!

Republicans accuse Hillary Clinton of being a bandwagon Cubs fan

CHICAGO - APRIL 4:  Hillary Rodham Clinton throws out the first pitch before the Chicago Cubs Opening Day game against the New York Mets at Wrigley Field on April 4, 1994 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)
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This was inevitable: The Republican National Committee published a ridiculously detailed and self-serious opposition-research report accusing Hillary Clinton of being a “bandwagon” Cubs fan.

If you’re of a certain age you’ll recall that Clinton, who grew up in the Chicago suburbs, spoke about being a Cubs fan as a kid. You’ll also recall that when she was running for her senate seat in New York, she gave shoutouts to a heretofore unheard of Yankees fandom. A lot of people have had fun with this at various times — we’ve mentioned it here on multiple occasiosn — but I wasn’t aware that anyone considered it an actually substantive political issue as opposed to an amusing “politicians, man” kind of thing.

The Republicans think it’s serious, though. Indeed, there’s more detail to this oppo-hit than there is any of the party’s candidate’s position papers. And while someone could, theoretically, have a lot of fun with this kind of material, the opposition report is not even remotely tongue-in-cheek. It reads like a poisition paper on nuclear proliferation. If the GOP had been this serious about vetting its own candidate, I suspect they wouldn’t be in the position they’re in today.

As for the substance: eh, who cares? Sports is entertainment and cultural glue. As a kid in Chicago, being a Cubs fan is both fun and makes some sense. As a senator from New York in the early 2000s, you’re gonna get to go to some Yankees games and sit in some good seats and that’s fun too. And, of course, politicians are going to say opportunistic things in order to attempt to connect with their constituents. Think of that what you will, but if you think of that as something which reveals something deep and dark within their soul about what kind of person they are, you probably need to step away from the cable news for a while and get some fresh air. Or you probably need to admit that you already believed the worse about her and that this is just an exercise in confirmation bias.

Heck, at this point I almost hope she finds a third or fourth team to rot for. Indeed, I hope she makes a comic heel turn, puts on a Chief Wahoo hat for tonight’s game and claims that, deep, deep down, she had always rooted for the Indians. Then even I could get on her case about it. And we could all talk about how, in her own way, Hillary was really bringing the nation together.

Video: Jonathan Lucroy who? Roberto Perez homers twice in World Series opener for the Indians

CLEVELAND, OH - OCTOBER 25:  Roberto Perez #55 of the Cleveland Indians hits a three-run home run during the eighth inning against the Chicago Cubs in Game One of the 2016 World Series at Progressive Field on October 25, 2016 in Cleveland, Ohio.  (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)
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Back in July, then-Brewers catcher Jonathan Lucroy vetoed a trade that would have sent him to the Indians, helping the club make a significant upgrade behind the plate after losing Yan Gomes to an injury. At the time, Roberto Perez had only played in 11 games, batting .043. Gomes had hit .165 before his injury, and Chris Gimenez batted .202 over 42 games. It was not much of a logical leap to think the Indians would eventually falter due to a lack of production at the catching position.

But here the Indians are in the World Series facing the Cubs. In Game 1 on Tuesday night, Perez — who finished the season with a .183 average and three home runs in 184 plate appearances — drilled a pair of home runs, accounting for four of the six runs the Indians would score in a shutout win over the Cubs.

Perez’s first blast was a solo that that just cleared the left field fence at Progressive Field, coming on an 0-1 fastball from starter Jon Lester. That padded the Indians’ lead to 3-0.

The second homer put the game away, as he punished reliever Hector Rondon for hanging a 2-2 slider with two runners on base, slugging this one enough to clear the left field fence by plenty. That doubled the Indians’ lead to 6-0, the score by which they would eventually win.

Perez is the first catcher to homer twice in a World Series game since Gary Carter did it for the Mets against the Red Sox in the 1986 World Series. Perez is the first Indian to homer twice in the same playoff game since Jim Thome in the 1999 ALDS against the Red Sox.